Why Sharing Is Not Actually A Good Thing

Your parents have lied to you.

Sharing is not good. Sharing is, in fact, very bad and occasionally hazardous to your health. Example: no one wants your cold. Please don't share it. I know you might have been told that good siblings share (unless you're an only child - then who cares, right?) but DON'T DO IT.

That said, if you're going to share something, do it COMPLETELY. The hangout here in Sullivan is Anne and Emily's room. It's a font of sharing joy. Dorm furniture, Emily's chairs, Anne's TV and PS2, my Guitar Hero and other video games. Emily's fridge, my soda and coffee, and Anne's Doritos. They're group property (generally speaking).

Problem: while I may share their space, I don't actually share their key. Therefore, if they're gone and I need something out of their room? Forget it.

Add this to my general laziness and reluctance to move all of my crap out of there and... yeah. Recipe for disaster. Which is why this morning when I went to find shoes... the only pairs I had in my room were flip-flops and open-toe heels. Not exactly useful for walking around in rainy, cold Kentucky weather.

Rather than skip class (although I wanted to - see Mom? I'm a good kid) I headed on over to Anne and Emily's room to see if it was unlocked. Which it wasn't. But it turns out their door doesn't close all the way, and if they didn't pull it all the way shut before locking it, it doesn't actually lock, and you can get it open by just jiggling the handle.

Then I was all 'oh crap, how am I going to lock it back up now?' But it turned out okay because Anne was actually still in the room, albeit asleep. So I ninja'd my way in, stole back my nice warm winter boots, and snuck back out. And I'm pretty sure she didn't notice, because I'm just cool like that.

Anyway, the moral of the story is: be a selfish jerk. Keep your crap to yourself. Sharing is bad. And hey, while we're at it? Santa isn't real. The cake is a lie. And hitting is good. Kthxbai.